1. bc so far all that ive experienced tbh isn’t some great story but a pretty mediocre life in terms of comparison to the non existent great drama tragedy of life
2. we keep talking about stories, how do i represent myself and others. what is real. i acknowledge that a lot of me is the escapism of what i do not want. in my total natural state i merely subsist is this even the right word? to relate is difficult and empathy needs resilience.
3. All of a sudden i am unable to make sense of a group of people sincerely caring about me and the only way to feel is to be honest with them. being honest doesnt feel good. i feel like i have disappointed people, and their image of me changes. I try to escape frm what is true and that deceit feels far worse
4. i need to be grounded. so much of what i see and do spreads out like the infinite web lol
take courage, stay. you are more important than you think. stay through the fire, and you will emerge as gold. and gold in its purity melts, you will not be hard as stone but flow as a river.
I need to get past my bad taste
Apparently it’s not socially acceptable for a man to invite another man out just for coffee or to go out for a meal, in case it’s perceived as a date. Like it’s fine if you wanna go to the pub and drink beer and have a chat but make it non-alcoholic and suddenly you’re not straight anymore? You can go to the cinema together but ONLY if it’s an action movie. You guys can’t even just go shopping with each other. Oh masculinity, so fragile, so strange.