i wish there was someone i could ask for advice. someone who wouldnt make me feel like a creep for spilling my guts and trying to explain all the insecurities that have plagued me for oh, about 25 years now. i wish someone could explain to me why exactly i have no desire to learn anymore. why i used to have so much energy and the need to search for miles and weeks for anything new and different. excitement. i was once a magnet for attracting new offbeat personalities who would introduce me to music and books of the obscure and i would soak it into my system like a rabid sex-crazed junkie hyperactive mentally retarded toddler who’s just had her first taste of sugar.